


What I Only Know the Limits Of

by oinops



Series: To the End of Love [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gem Fusion, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 02:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17951966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oinops/pseuds/oinops
Summary: “You know, an old friend once told me that I should never question myself. I feel like you two might know her too.”The Crystal Gems come across an unlikely new fusion by chance. Steven convinces Garnet to help her components figure things out.





	What I Only Know the Limits Of

**Author's Note:**

> Yet more screaming carbon (it's the alternate ship name I just came up with, you're welcome).
> 
> @felicity-kitten on tumblr suggested me to write about the Crystal Gems meeting Green Diamond, but then things spiralled. It's so much longer than originally intended. And it took *twenty one* days to put down, which is possibly even worse.
> 
> This fic is set directly after [this one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694698). It's not essential for you to read it but it might help with some details. Also, you know, it would make me very happy. The title is still taken from the song Dance Me To The End Of Love, to match the other story.
> 
> Anyway, this is so corny it's literally set in a maize field. Enough said.

“What would we even call her?”

They were still sitting on the same spot of beach, and hours had gone by quickly: the all-enveloping darkness above slowly turning a paler shade of indigo, the small town behind them still fast asleep. It was Yellow's voice that broke the silence—distant, the question blurted out without even noticing. Against her shoulder, Blue stirred. Neither had felt the need to talk, before then.

“Her?” she asked, her tone one of genuine confusion, and the other tensed in realization. She took a moment to connect the pieces, then her breath hitched.

“Oh,” she whispered, now pensive. “You _do_ want to talk about it, then.”

“I—ah, no. Forget it,” Yellow muttered, before turning away from her. At that, Blue crossed her arms on her chest. “Yellow,” she huffed, wanting to say more but somehow unable to find her words.

“I was thinking out loud, it doesn't matter.”

The diamond's voice was barely audible, and full of resignation. She had her eyes fixed on some empty spot in the distance, pointedly trying to avoid Blue's: it made the other sigh again, unsure if she should feel frustrated or alarmed.

“Yellow,” she repeated, quiet, seemingly incapable of saying anything else.

The other's eyes snapped shut.

“Just leave it,” she hissed, a tinge of irritation starting to cloud her voice. Her companion caught on it immediately.

“What has gotten into you, now?”

“Nothing at all, it was just... Something that came to mind. Small talk,” Yellow blurted out in an attempt to end the discussion, only to immediately realize how ridiculous an excuse it sounded. She grimaced internally, as Blue lost her temper once and for all.

“Sure, because you've always been one for _that_ ,” the diamond retorted, sarcasm tangible in her every word. “And quite the peculiar small talk topic, if I must—”

“Will you _leave it_?” the other exclaimed, cutting her off. She had both her fists clenched, and her breathing had become irregular. Blue was frozen in place—about to retaliate, at first, but quickly giving up on it and slumping down again. She turned to the opposite direction, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them with her arms.

“It always has to be like this with you, doesn't it,” she remarked, hurt, talking mostly to herself. With that, silence fell again—an uncomfortable one, this time: the kind one could cut with a knife, that made insides twist.

Long minutes went by, heavy like centuries. When Yellow dared to look at Blue again, she was still curled up on herself, face buried in the dark fabric that covered her arms.

It made her heart sink.

“I'm sorry,” she murmured remorsefully, making to put a hand on the other's shoulder but letting it drop mid-way through, deciding the gesture probably wouldn't be very welcome in the present moment. Sky-blue eyes came up to meet hers, reddened and glossy, tears pooling along the deep grooves that sat where soft, unblemished cerulean skin had once been.

She often wondered if those would ever fade.

“No, Yellow,” the gem answered, voice still shaky. “I am. I shouldn't have been so insistent.”

The golden diamond finally mustered the courage to place an uncertain caress on her upper back: at that, Blue pulled her into a deep hug. She let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding.

“Small talk? Really?” the periwinkle gem giggled a few moments later, her chin resting on her companion's shoulder. Yellow huffed, face buried in silky white hair.

“I suppose calling it that isn't quite right. More of a one hundred and twenty feet tall talk, I'd say.”

It was a terrible joke made at an inappropriate time, but Blue laughed regardless. Yellow relaxed, glad to have been able to dispel at least some of the tension. The other diamond loosened the embrace, then, gently pressing both of her hands to her chest, and gave her an uncertain look.

“I... do think we should talk about this, Yellow.”

The gem averted her gaze, and did not reply. Gathering her courage, Blue pressed on.

“I'm not falling into past mistakes. Not when I have barely just started recognizing them.”

Her confession was yet again met with silence, but she didn't falter. She brought a hand to Yellow's face, gently grazing her cheekbone with her thumb.

“At least tell me what you were going to ask before. Please.”

Yellow melted, an unspoken sign of surrender.

“Her name,” she answered, pensive and embarrassed at the same time. “Does she even need one, anyway?”

“I'd have no idea,” Blue confessed.

They both fell silent and pondered for a good while.

“She’d be a diamond, if I had to guess,” Yellow stated first, her tone analytical. Her companion, however, was unsure.

“Would she? She wasn’t exactly made like we were. And what kind of diamond, anyway?”

“You… have a point.”

Another huff.

“An Emerald? She looks like one, with that hair.”

“That makes even less sense.”

A spot of silence, yet again. It was Blue’s turn, then, to become embarrassed, her cheeks coloring a fant lilac.

“I guess she'd have to— _ah_ , tell us herself. I suppose.”

A murmur, a faltering proposition. Yellow's eyes went wide, her breath catching in her throat for a moment.

“Do you want to...?” she asked, immediately trailing off, wondering if she had really understood the implication. Raindrop eyes stared back at her, a perfect mirror of her own exhilarated bewilderment.

“Do _you_?”

The golden gem looked around—at the early summer skies quickly turning pink and orange, at the first timid rays of sunshine peeking out from the hill behind them. Soon, the secluded spot they had found for themselves would be crowded with beach-goers.

“Not here. Anyone could see us,” she muttered, a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. Just then, Blue caught both of her hands—steady, reassuring. Eager.

“There is a warp pad near.”

A gentle squeeze of fingers.

“Let's go find someplace quieter.”

—

For Lapis Lazuli, the day that had just begun was much like any other.

She was lounging on her hammock, dozing off, enjoying the morning breeze and the warm sunlight that peeked in from the open doorway. The hammock, much like the entire barn around her, was brand new—Bismuth had been so kind to offer to rebuild it from scratch, after that whole Homeworld ordeal was finally over, and had done a truly impressive job: the paint on the outside was shiny and red, the floorboards smooth and polished, and not a single termite was in sight. It even had a real balcony, now, where that old pickup truck used to be. Peridot was currently sitting on it, tinkering with some sort of strange contraption: they were having some trouble with the wi-fi, and she’d assured her this would fix it.  _Not like she’d know better, anyway_. Her mouth curved into a tiny smile.

All their old meep morps, on the other hand, along with the small lake, had been lost for good. It was certainly sad to think about, but she didn’t like to linger on the thought too much: there would be time to make new ones, better ones, after all—time to grow, to make up, to start anew. Time to rest, at last, with no more threats looming over their heads.

With those thoughts Lapis closed her eyes again, drifting to sleep with a small sigh of contentment.

It didn’t last long.

A sudden, low tremor shook the earth and instantly brought her back to consciousness. It was almost as if, far away, something really heavy had been dropped onto the ground. Something more or less the size of a low-rise apartment building.

Or two.

 _Pretty weird_.

She didn’t pay it much thought, at first, until it happened again a few minutes later. And then again.

 _And again_.

“Peridot?” she called out, now vaguely alarmed: when she opened her eyes, however, the green gem was staring right back at her, just as confused. It went on for a good while, each quake separated from the next by silent pauses of varying length. It stopped, then, after a while, just as abruptly as it started, and she shrugged.

“It was probably just—AH!”

The tremors came back, ten times as strong, knocking the shorter gem off her feet and the would-be wi-fi router she was working on to the ground below. It shattered into several pieces, and she cursed under her breath. Getting back on her feet, Lapis flew up to the balcony and looked into the distance.

“Do you think something’s up with the Cluster again?” Peridot asked, nervous. The blue gem was still searching the horizon. She saw it, then: a looming shadow, more or less half a mile ahead. A huge one.

 _That_ was new.

“I don’t think that’s the Cluster.”

“I—I’m getting the others.”

—

“Why on Homeworld isn’t this working?”

They had moved to the countryside, and were now standing in an abandoned field. More specifically, Yellow was the one standing and rubbing her temples in dismay—Blue, on the other hand, sat on the ground in a rather inelegant pose, still trying to recover from the latest fall. The whole deal wouldn’t even have been that annoying, probably, if only those jolts were less _violent_.

Her backside was starting to hurt.

“Maybe we’re forgetting some of the steps,” she ventured.

“We’ve gone over them five times in a row, now. I’m pretty sure the dancing isn’t the issue,” Yellow replied, hands flying up in frustration. She started to pace back and forth.

It really wasn’t—and neither was achieving the goal in itself, for that matter. The only discernible problem seemed to be with the _maintaining_ : the bright green glow would envelop them every time, only to come undone moments after and have them both unceremoniously drop to the ground. This once, it managed to last a grand total of ten seconds. Not like it was much of an improvement.

“What if we’re supposed to stack? Like rubies.”

Blue’s suggestion was met with wide eyes and quirked eyebrows.

And promptly given a chance regardless.

There weren’t any beams of light or rough jolts, this time: they lost balance all on their own accord, in a moment, falling over face-first in the dirt. The sky-tinted diamond rubbed her sore nose, slowly getting herself back to a sitting position.

“Well, that was undignified.”

“It was _pointless_ ,” Yellow eventually snapped, raking her fingers through her hair in exasperation. Blue recoiled at the sudden display of temper, and did not speak.

“What am I even _thinking_?” she went on, voice wavering. The other was still silent, and now completely aghast.

“Yellow—”

“We’re the two biggest hypocrites this side of the universe.”

A lapidary statement, which made Blue’s voice die in her throat. They were, apparently, _actually_ going to talk about it. A small part of her was almost starting to regret ever wanting that.

Yellow looked at her, and quickly looked back down.

“Stars, all the hurt we’ve caused over this. That _I’ve_ caused.”

Her voice was dreadfully vacant. Blue offered her the only comfort she had learned to give in her whole life: a gentle touch, absentmindedly placed on her forearm. The other diamond didn’t seem to acknowledge it.

“I hurt Steven, too. And I hurt all his friends. It was mere months ago.” She was whispering, now.

“We both know that—”

“And now? I can’t even manage to do _this_ on _purpose_ ,” she spat out, cutting her off. She had started breathing heavily, and her eyes were glossy.

The indigo gem wasn’t sure she understood what this was really about anymore.

“Yellow,” she repeated, yet again, as if that was the only word she knew, the only one she could remember. The other ignored her still.

“It would be bad enough. What were we going to do, return to Homeworld together and walk up to White like _that_?”

“White isn’t going to do any—”

“But forget her. What about everyone? What do you think they’d say—that they’d _mumble_ —knowing how mocking of them, how hypocritical we’ve always been? Worse yet, seeing just how much I…”

She raised her head, suddenly halting herself. Blue’s eyes were wide open, desolated.

“It’s not like I can do it anyway, so it doesn’t matter,” the golden diamond muttered, defeated. Bitter.

“Surely you know it won’t be that big of a deal if we don’t manage to.”

“But you _want to_.”

 _Oh_.

“All the terrible things I’ve done, and I can’t even make up for _this_.”

“What in the universe are you going on about, now?” the other asked with a huff, growing more and more astounded by the minute.

“You know exactly.”

Her voice was barely audible.

“Oh, Yellow.”

“I should never have done that. I shouldn’t have done it again _yesterday_.”

“ _Yellow_.”

The azure diamond sighed deeply.

“You keep saying ‘I’, as if I have no part in this.”

Her remark was met with silence.

“What is this all about? Do _you_ want this, Yellow?” she asked, serious.

“Yes. Obviously,” the gem answered, and her voice was filled with agony. Blue was staring back at her, as if waiting for the inevitable _but_. And soon enough, it came.

“I’m scared, Blue.”

“Of what some other could think?”

“I have _no idea_!”

She lashed out again, and Blue flinched. Yellow only shot her a contrite look.

“I feel… I feel disgusting. For even wanting it,” she began. The other just stared back, bewildered.

“And I feel disgusting for feeling that way, too, because I know that I shouldn’t. Because we’ve been taught better now, haven’t we? But I still do,” she blurted out, before taking a deep breath. “And I wish I could control that, I wish I had control over any of this. I wish I _understood_ any of this, for Andromeda’s sake!”

Blue’s mouth stood agape.

“And I’m scared of others, and I’m scared of _you_ , of what you could possibly think of me if I dared… If you saw…”

She paused, attempting to push back tears.

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t…”

The fight proved pointless, and she soon choked on an almost imperceptible sob. It was the first time Blue had seen her cry in six months, and the second in her entire existence.

She had already decided she hated the sight.

“I love you, Yellow. I’m sure you know that,” she whispered.

The other could not look at her, did not answer.

 _You moron_ , she thought. _Is this what you were getting so worked up over?_

 _You absolute, massive, thick-skulled idiot_.

 _And if only I were any better_.

She thought, but did not say.

“I didn’t mean to push you away like that, back then. I never should have,” she began instead, carefully measuring her every word.

“In my defense, I was afraid. I still am, Yellow. _I’m afraid too_.” A pause, yet another heavy spot of silence. “But I also believe I’ve changed, since then.”

Change—such an alien concept. How bizarre it felt, to say out loud.

“And I believe this is worth a try, scary as it might be—”

An involuntary snivel brought her well thought-out speech to a sudden halt. She should have seen it coming, she thought, when tears started to flood her eyes and her frame began to shake with silent whimpers. How inevitable it was, she mused, when a pair of arms eventually circled her torso and brought her close.

It always came back to that, didn’t it?

“Don’t cry,” came a familiar plea: it was immediately followed by a fit of sobs, muffled in her left shoulder.

“You— _you’re_ crying,” she noted, her wavering voice suddenly brightened by a light chuckle. She let go of the embrace slightly, keeping her arms around the other’s waist and gazing up to her.

“I’m _not_ ,” Yellow insisted, looking to the side. Her face was red, her eyes swollen. Almost as to emphasize her proud statement, she gave a loud sniffle. At that, Blue started snickering, tears still flowing copiously down her cheeks: it was contagious—of course it was—and soon the both of them were laughing and sobbing at once, foreheads pressed together firmly.

How ridiculous it must have looked, from an outsider’s eye.

How little did she care.

They lay down on the ground, yet again, and Blue placed a hand on Yellow’s cheek. “I love you so much,” she murmured, wistful, the both of them so close their noses brushed together.

 _And it couldn’t be any other way_ , she would have added. _And if this of all makes you disgusting, if this of all is what makes us disgusting, I’ll gladly take it over anything else._

_Because I’ll love you through eons and eras, until every sun has died out and the universe has collapsed on itself, until the void that first birthed me finally embraces me again. I’ll love you as long as I have a soul to do so, as long as you will let me, and even after then. I really have no choice, after all—do I?_

_I love you, and I could love nobody else._

_I love you, and I messed up and lost so much already._

_I love you, and there’s nothing in this universe I am certain of except for this—_ _not anymore, or maybe there has never been._

_I love you, and I’m so lonely._

_And I don’t want to be, not for a second longer._

But she remained silent, for where could she find the courage to speak any of that out loud?

“Please never doubt that,” she stated instead, voice still breathy and shaky from moments before. “Whether we’re… _fused_ , or not.”

The sentence was spoken sheepishly, with a tinge of guilt—it was the first time either of them had dared to call the act by its proper name. For the briefest moment, Yellow almost seemed to recoil at the word.

“Thank you, by the way,” Blue added, after a few moments of silence.

“What for?” the other asked, confused.

“Opening up to me.”

She was smiling down at her, but Yellow didn’t know what to answer. Heart aching, she pressed their mouths together on impulse, wishing she could convey even the barest fraction of her feelings in the act. The kiss became heated, and soon she was guiding the other gem to straddle her.

An unfamiliar thrill overtook her, but it almost passed unnoticed.

Moments later, she was laying on the ground alone.

“Where have you…?”

Her eyes shot open immediately, and she jumped back to a sitting position. She quickly brought a pair of hands up to her face, while the other two experimentally grazed along her calves—one completely bare, the other covered by a thigh high, open-toed platform boot.

_Might need to work on that later._

“We… I did it,” the fusion whispered, arms coming to rest around herself protectively, fingers trembling.

_I can’t..._

_There’s no one else here. Relax. Give it a chance._

“I did it,” she repeated more firmly, clenching her gloved hands and taking in a deep breath to steady herself. She rose up slowly, stumbling like a newborn animal and felling a few trees along the way.

“This feels so _strange_ ,” she remarked to herself curiously, wanting to hear more of how her voice sounded. Deep and soft at once, came the discovery: it made her giggle, face buried in hands.

She took a few tentative steps, still unsure in her new physical form, but soon got the hang of it and picked up her pace. In a bout of confidence, she decided to do a small twirl: her odd shoes, however, proved to be of hindrance, and she immediately fell on her back with a rather impressive thump. Her eyes went wide with surprise and embarrassment, before she exploded into a fit of laughter.

Still wheezing, she decided to get back on her feet.

—

Peridot warped back to the barn with haste: the other five Crystal Gems followed right behind, just as frenzied, weapons in hand. Lapis quickly flew up to them.

“We felt the earthquakes. Peridot told us you saw something,” Garnet addressed her, teeth clenched. The blue gem nodded.

“There was this silhouette out in the fields. It seemed—”

A new, less intense but still noticeable tremor cut her off: behind the group, the aforementioned shadow became visible once again, peeking out above the trees before them and causing flocks of birds to leave their nests in fright. Up close, it became evident that it was a humanoid figure—back turned to them, its only recognizable feature a long and unruly fair green mane.

“Is that... a gem?” Pearl asked in bewilderment, looking at Bismuth and Garnet. The two were just as on edge and confused.

“Geez, Steven, where are your two new friends when we could actually use them?” Amethyst remarked, originally meaning to lighten the mood. With that amount of tension in the air, the intent did not quite register.

“They’re just here to vacation! They were very stressed!”

“I’m very stressed _now_!”

“Cut it out, you two! We must—”

Garnet’s reproach was brought to a halt when the mysterious giant eventually turned its head around. Definitely a gem—her features elegant, her nose prominent and slightly upturned, her eyes slanted and marked by deep shadows. A fusion, they all realized, noticing her extra pair of arms and her less than fortunate clothing choices.

_But who…?_

Her clouded gaze came to rest on the group, the same instant in which Garnet’s wandered up to her chest.

And saw two diamonds, placed side by side.

The cerise gem’s mouth gaped in wonder, as did everybody else’s. Seven pairs of eyes were now staring up at the unlikely sight, fear replaced by soundless astonishment: all their weapons vanished at once, Pearl’s spear clanking to the ground before doing so. Steven was the first to recover, his shocked expression turning to a surprised smile: he looked over to Garnet, but she could only return him with a blank stare, still too bewildered to think anything of the situation.

His smile faltered as soon as the fusion recognized them.

Her eyes widened in horror, one set of hands clasping over her mouth and the other flying up as to shield herself from the ones before her. She looked at them for a few long moments, her shoulders starting to tremble in fear. It wasn’t long before she broke apart, her two components dropping to the ground and immediately recoiling.

Garnet glanced at Steven—the smile had disappeared completely, replaced by a worried frown.

Her eyes travelled back to the two former tyrants in front of her, who looked like distant shadows of themselves—the iron-fisted commander taking in quick, unsteady breaths she didn’t need, one arm extended protectively over her cowering companion: beneath it, the ice queen herself melted into a puddle, too ashamed to even show her face and hiding behind her own hands. Yellow Diamond’s eyes panned over the Crystal Gems frantically—as if she was afraid they could harm them, in some paradoxical way.

_Whatever happened to you two?_

She almost wanted to ask out loud.

The nine of them stared at one another in silence for several moments. Pearl and Amethyst looked over to Garnet, the habitual unspoken question glimmering in their eyes. She shrugged visibly, lifting her hands up in defense.

_Stars, no. No way I could have predicted that._

The former general was the one to speak first. “ _Go away_!” she exclaimed peevishly, eyes still wide with terror, and instantly flinched at the tone of her own voice.

“I—I mean… I…” she began stuttering.

“Please leave us alone,” she concluded eventually, in a whisper, gaze downcast.

“Guys, wait! It’s not—” Steven tried to address them in reassurance, but was cut off by the red fusion placing a hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him in the opposite direction.

“Leave them be,” she told him softly.

—

He most certainly didn’t.

Or at least, he only managed to until midday.

Back at the temple, Amethyst was sprawled over the couch while Pearl folded laundry by her side, absentmindedly humming to herself. Suddenly, the purple gem broke the silence with a question.

“Okay, but can you _believe_?” she asked in wonder, eyeing the huge metal arms docked on the beach in front of the house. The other raised a confused eyebrow, quickly replaced by an understanding stare as she followed her gaze.

“Oh, yeah. That was unexpected, to say the least.”

“Like, they were always so pissy about it—”

“ _Language_.”

“Sheesh, Pearl! I mean, those two were so touchy about fusion that I almost thought it was because they couldn’t do it or something.”

A break of silence.

“Oh, well. Steven can, so it’s a dumb idea. Still weird as hell, though.”

Another pause, as Pearl’s brow furrowed in thought.

“You know, from what I remember… they always seemed rather close, especially considering their _status_ ,” she assessed, “but from this to say I could have imagined they’d ever—”

“That’s it! I’m going to find them!” Steven yelled out from his bed, immediately getting up and running down the stairs after hours of silent fidgeting. He took the warp pad without another word.

Pearl and Amethyst looked at one another.

“Honestly, I have no idea why he even bothers,” the pale gem commented.

“I have no idea why those two are still hanging around!”

They both turned their eyes at Garnet, who was sitting by the window. She sighed, and gave a small shrug.

“He’s master of his decisions.”

—

Her own deliberation came back to bite her not longer than three hours after, when a very overwrought Steven got back home and started looking for her.

_Please come talk to them._

She’d really rather not, and was quite certain they wouldn’t be thrilled to have her around either. Plus, even if she now managed to stay more or less at ease when Steven was with them, that didn’t really apply to her own person yet. Or probably ever would.

 _They need some help_.

Couldn’t he bring Greg into this? The man always had surprisingly sound advice to give, even to ancient alien entities. And his way with words, too—he had, after all, already charmed Blue Diamond into kidnapping him once. Plus he didn’t seem to ever hold any grudges, either.

_Come on, Garnet. You’re the fusion expert around here._

She _did_ pride herself on that. A deep sigh came before her words.

“They should try to figure it out for themselves, Steven.”

The boy looked distraught.

“But what if they never do?”

 _That’s their problem, not mine or yours_ , she wanted to answer, but he preceded her.

“They came so far already.”

On that, he was right. They’d been a surprise, even for her, even before that day—how quickly they had turned around. It was baffling, truly.

Not even in a bad way.

When they arrived on Earth three months before, Steven had said they were there to learn better. He had decided to put faith in them.

And she would always put faith in him.

—

Being gently dragged by the wrist through a corn field, Garnet started to question her entire existence. If five thousand years ago someone had told her that, one day, she was going to be coaxed by her adoptive son into playing marriage counselor to her attempted murderer, she would have been rather dumbfounded.

Mostly because, as of five thousand years ago, she wouldn’t have known what any of those words even meant.

Such was life, she supposed.

Behind the cobs, visible from the distance, sat the two empresses—Yellow Diamond keeping a hand on the other’s knee. Said hand hastily flinched back into her lap as soon as she saw them approach.

_Oh, boy. This could prove even harder than expected._

“Here we are, guys,” Steven said, stopping in front of them. “Garnet is the best person to talk to when it comes to this stuff,” he tentatively smiled in encouragement. All stood silent.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Meet you at the barn!” he concluded, walking back into the field. Left alone, the three of them started engaging in the most uncomfortable staring contest imaginable. The golden gem looked down at Garnet with an uncertain grimace, while Blue still couldn’t manage to meet her eyes. Or anyone’s.

_So much harder than expected._

“I hope you two know I’m only doing this for him.”

Yellow’s expression turned resolute as she closed her eyes and nodded. Her companion finally looked up, for a second. _So are we_ , their gazes told her. A thin crack in the layer of ice that separated them. It prompted her to continue.

She took off her visor, sitting down on the grass.

“It would be better if we had… Green Diamond. I suppose that’s what she’s called.”

Their eyes quirked up in thought, almost as if the name hadn’t even crossed their minds before. _Green Diamond, of course. How easy_.

“She is… unstable,” Yellow finally stated, gaze averted, one hand scratching the back of her neck. Embarrassed.

“I had figured,” Garnet sighed, before tense silence fell again. She took in the sight before her—the two old tyrants fidgeting with their hands, eyes unsteady, mortified. It felt like a fever dream.

It also reminded her of herself—of a time long before, in a most absurd way. Her voice softened the slightest bit.

“And why did she come to be?”

“An accident, of course.”

 _Of course_.

“It's not like she could have a purpose, anyway,” the commander added, her statement devoid of any possible insolence, riddled with genuine doubt. Looking straight into her eyes, Garnet realized its seed had been incubating there for a long time.

“One day you’ll have to learn that nothing in this universe ever truly can.”

Yellow Diamond was taken aback by the blunt reproach.

“Of course she doesn’t have purpose, just like I don’t. Just like you two on your own don’t. Stars and planets don’t, life doesn’t, and neither do bonds and feelings. The more you search for a collective end goal, the quicker you’ll come to find no such thing exists.”

She gave them both time to ponder on her words, before continuing.

“But I’d say that’s the best part in all of this.”

“How so?” the golden gem finally asked, bewildered.

“It enables you to find your own end goal, of course. One that is right for you, that makes you happy.”

The diamonds stared at one another, then back at Garnet. They didn’t seem fully convinced.

“But if you really have trouble finding your own meaning for fusion in particular, I can still give you some ideas,” she prompted.

They leaned towards her, intent.

“You could see it as an exercise. On communication, mutual support, understanding of another point of view. Being on the same page,” she began. They seemed entranced, this time around.

“It doesn’t really work if you aren’t, that I’m sure you’ve noticed,” she added with a half grin. Two pairs of eyes looked away, bashful.

“But again, you can do all of that without ever fusing, too. It’s really up to you,” she stated, knowingly. “Even if I think fusion is a lot of fun, personally.”

“I… didn’t feel like it was that fun. At least for the most part.”

Blue Diamond finally managed to break her long silence—her voice small, eyes still unfocused. Garnet was taken aback for a second.

“How did you feel?” she asked, after a moment. The most routine of questions, and always the most difficult to answer.

“Thrilled, I suppose, in a way,” the larger gem started, gathering her thoughts. “But mostly guilty.”

“Scared to death,” Yellow added. Honest, and to the point—the fusion was surprised. She took a deep breath before answering again.

“You always do, at first. But it will fade, eventually, if you take effort in unlearning it. All of this is about effort.”

“Even happiness? That… personal end goal, as you called it?” the commander interjected. She seemed really preoccupied with that, somehow. More than with anything else.

“That especially.”

“But how would I…?”

A real tough one, that Yellow Diamond. Garnet took another deep breath.

“You know, an old friend once told me that I should never question myself. I feel like you two might know her too.”

Their eyes lit up. Blue lifted a hand to her chest, smiling wistfully.

“Then again, I later realized the advice was rubbish. She was quite prone to give those,” the fusion added. The two diamonds chuckled softly.

“But I feel there can be something to take away from that, still. What I mean…” she began, still trying to put her thoughts together.

“What I’m trying to say is that you should always question yourself, of course, but some things you just have no control over. Some things, you have no answer for. No use in tying yourself into knots over those.”

“But you’ve just told us happiness takes effort,” Yellow retorted, almost sheepishly, still befuddled.

“That’s not what I meant.”

The gems before her just blinked.

“The effort shouldn’t be in looking for a reason to be happy, to exist—that, you just have to let happen. It should be in working towards that reason when you’ve found it, in making sure you keep it near,” the purple gem explained, almost getting carried away. She sighed again.

“Ah, that probably wasn’t very clear either.”

The two diamonds looked at one another, and their fingers entwined gently.

“No, it was,” Blue reassured her, voice still tentative.

“Thank you, Garnet,” she addressed her again, directly, something mortified in her tone.

“And I’m sorry,” she added. She said it firmly, looking straight at her.

Sorry for almost shattering her? For attempting to destroy her home and her family? For mocking her, torturing her, locking her away? For murdering countless of her friends?

 _All of it, and everything else too_ , her eyes told her.

“You know I can’t forgive you.”

Blue Diamond nodded silently.

“But you really are trying, and I can respect that. You honestly surprised me,” Garnet confessed.

“You know, I always thought your lot couldn’t feel it, remorse. Or love.”

The remark should have felt scathing, but the two only smiled.

“And I want to thank you as well,” she added, standing up again. The others perked up.

“What for?” Yellow asked.

“Listening to another perspective.”

Behind them, the sun was setting again.

—

“So are they like.. a thing now, or something?” Amethyst asked. It was dusk, and the three Crystal Gems were standing on the porch. In front of them, the two arm ships were preparing to take off.

“Something,” Garnet assessed with a shrug, looking over to the beach where the two stood, saying their goodbyes to Steven. She smiled, and went back inside.

He’d been right, in the end.

— 

“When am I going to meet Green, then?” the boy asked, elated, standing on top of Blue’s palm.

“Next time we visit. Promise,” she answered. By her side, Yellow had her arms crossed, but was smiling regardless.

“But when?” he wondered.

“Soon,” she concluded, after falling in thought for a moment. _Don’t make promises you can’t keep_ , her companion wanted to reprimand, but eventually decided against it.

Blue placed her thumb on Steven’s head, gently ruffling his hair, and put him back on the ground.

“Goodbye, guys. I’m proud of you.”

They both smiled down fondly.

“And good luck with all that Homeworld stuff!” he exclaimed seconds later, running back to the beach house. The two waved as they saw him disappear behind the screen door.

 _The Homeworld stuff_ , of course.

The briefings, the court procedures, the decolonization plans. The endless list of reports awaiting them just behind the door of their rooms.

 _That_ never ended.

Yellow huffed.

“Time to say goodbye to you too, I guess,” she stated meekly, turning around. Blue jumped into her arms, knocking her breath out.

“Why did we even come on separate ships?” she whined into her shoulder.

“Well, the outcome of this trip was rather unplanned.”

They both chuckled, and held each other closer.

“We’ll meet on Homeworld,” Yellow told her softly, running fingers through her long hair.

As soon as they had time.

Whenever that would be.

The diamond in her arms sighed.

“Come on, Blue, communicators have been invented. And I would know, I was the one who came up with them.”

Blue giggled silently.

“It’s not the same thing.”

 _I know_ , Yellow wanted to say, staring into her eyes. Yet again, she didn’t.

She was quickly pulled into a kiss, earnest. After a mere two days, the sensation was still new—bizarre, electric. It left her reeling. She was sure she had flushed two shades darker, now, but found she didn’t care.

“I have to meet with White, back home. We’re leaving for some diplomatic negotiations,” Blue whispered, still out of breath, inches from her mouth. Yellow was confused, but nodded regardless.

“I’m going to talk to her. I feel like it should be explicitly encouraged in our new constitution. Fusion, I mean.”

Garnet’s words had really struck her, too.

She had to agree.

“You’re right. Good luck with that.”

Cerulean lips grazed her own one last time, before the two parted in the early night.

**Author's Note:**

> Drinking game: take a shot every time Yellow stops herself from telling Blue she loves her, die of alcohol poisoning and sadness.


End file.
